People sometimes think of divorce as a series of pitched battles between spouses. That can certainly be what happens in a contentious divorce scenario. The spouses or their lawyers negotiate, and if they cannot reach a settlement, then the matter goes to trial.
However, divorce frequently starts with a cold war. Both spouses are aware that the relationship is in decline, but neither wants to be the one to take action. People frequently associate the decision to file for divorce with being at fault for the divorce. That generally isn’t an accurate perspective.
Waiting for a spouse to file can also leave people in a very vulnerable position when their spouses finally decide to move ahead with a divorce. Instead of waiting for a spouse to file, people who take action to end an unhappy marriage can derive certain benefits from that decision.
Controlling the timing
Many people engage in passive-aggressive or even cruel conduct during divorce. They might serve their spouse on a wedding anniversary or a birthday. They might decide to take action right before a spouse has an upcoming performance review or major project deadline at work. People who take the first step by filing for divorce can choose when to file. They can avoid dates that might have emotional significance for them or choose a time when external pressures are lower.
Preparing in advance
Divorce requires the disclosure of numerous important financial matters and the analysis of various household records. People have an opportunity to gather the records that they need quickly and without spousal interference if they plan the timing of their own divorce. They then have accurate baseline information that they can compare with any disclosures made by their spouses.
Limiting financial misconduct
Some people prepare for divorce by engaging in inappropriate financial behavior. They move money out of shared accounts, hide physical assets and try to secure more than their fair share of the marital estate. Other times, they may intentionally waste money or accrue debt in the weeks leading up to the divorce as a means of manipulating financial proceedings. Spouses who take the initiative to file can prevent last-minute attempts to unfairly influence property division.
Making a choice to file for divorce isn’t easy, but it can be the best option for those who believe that their marriage is essentially already over. Spouses who take the initiative can plan when to file and put themselves in a strong position for the upcoming divorce process.